SER1 Noah and The New Ark
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From: Michael Bishop
Subject: SER1 Noah and The New Ark
Date: 20:35 on 12 Oct 2004
Subject: SER1 Noah and The New Ark
Date: 20:35 on 12 Oct 2004
This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_012D_01C4B0AB.B6A85D80 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable A client, for whom I've just finished a very lengthy plans application process (2nd storey addition in an urban conservation area) sent me = this. Noah and The New Ark In the year 2004, The Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in South Africa, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another = Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the = Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights". Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard ..... but no ark. "Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?" "Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need = for a fire detection and sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I've = violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and = exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for = a decision. Then South African Transport and Eskom demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, = to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local = trees in order to save the Giant Spotted Owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go! When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights = group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel = and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then Kort Broek of Environment Affairs ruled that I couldn't build the = Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed = flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission = on how many previously disadvantaged individuals I'm supposed to hire for = my building crew. Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to = hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, the Customs and Revenue via the Scorpions seized = all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to = finish this Ark." Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow = stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're = not going to destroy the world?". "No", said the Lord. "The South African Government beat me to it!" ------=_NextPart_000_012D_01C4B0AB.B6A85D80 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable <!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <HTML><HEAD> <META content=3D"text/html; charset=3Diso-8859-1" = http-equiv=3DContent-Type><BASE=20 href=3D"file://C:\Data\Email footer\"><!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD = HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"><BASE=20 href=3D"file://C:\Data\Email footer\"><!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD = HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <META content=3D"MSHTML 5.00.2614.3500" name=3DGENERATOR> <META content=3D"MSHTML 5.00.2614.3500" name=3DGENERATOR> <META content=3D"MSHTML 5.00.2614.3500" name=3DGENERATOR> <STYLE></STYLE> </HEAD> <BODY aLink=3Dblack bgColor=3Dwhite link=3D#696969 vLink=3Dgray> <DIV> <DIV>A client, for whom I've just finished a very lengthy plans=20 application<BR>process (2nd storey addition in an urban conservation = area) sent=20 me this.<BR><BR><BR>Noah and The New Ark<BR><BR>In the year 2004, The = Lord came=20 unto Noah, who was now living in South<BR>Africa, and said, "Once again, = the=20 earth has become wicked and<BR>over-populated and I see the end of all = flesh=20 before me. Build another Ark<BR>and save two of every living thing along = with a=20 few good humans."<BR><BR>He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have = six=20 months to build the Ark<BR>before I will start the unending rain for 40 = days and=20 40 nights".<BR><BR>Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah = weeping=20 in his yard<BR>..... but no ark.<BR><BR>"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to = start=20 the rain! Where is the Ark?"<BR><BR>"Forgive me, Lord," begged = Noah. "But=20 things have changed. I needed a<BR>building permit. I've = been=20 arguing with the inspector about the need for a<BR>fire detection and = sprinkler=20 system. My neighbours claim that I've violated<BR>the = neighbourhood zoning=20 laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding<BR>the height = limitations. We=20 had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a<BR>decision.<BR><BR>Then = South=20 African Transport and Eskom demanded a bond be posted for the<BR>future = costs of=20 moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to<BR>clear the = passage=20 for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea<BR>would be = coming to=20 us, but they would hear nothing of it.<BR><BR>Getting the wood was = another=20 problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees<BR>in order to save = the=20 Giant Spotted Owl. I tried to convince the<BR>environmentalists = that I=20 needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!<BR><BR>When I started = gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group.<BR>They = insisted=20 that I was confining wild animals against their will. As<BR>well, = they=20 argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel = and<BR>inhumane to=20 put so many animals in a confined space.<BR><BR>Then Kort Broek of = Environment=20 Affairs ruled that I couldn't build the Ark<BR>until they'd conducted an = environmental impact study on your proposed flood.<BR><BR>I'm still = trying to=20 resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on<BR>how many = previously=20 disadvantaged individuals I'm supposed to hire for my<BR>building=20 crew.<BR><BR>Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They = insist I have=20 to hire<BR>only Union workers with Ark building experience.<BR><BR>To = make=20 matters worse, the Customs and Revenue via the Scorpions seized = all<BR>my=20 assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally = with<BR>endangered=20 species.<BR><BR>So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten = years for=20 me to finish<BR>this Ark."<BR><BR>Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun = began to=20 shine, and a rainbow stretched<BR>across the sky. Noah looked up = in wonder=20 and asked, "You mean you're not<BR>going to destroy the = world?".<BR><BR>"No",=20 said the Lord. "The South African Government beat me to=20 it!"<BR><BR></DIV></DIV></BODY></HTML> ------=_NextPart_000_012D_01C4B0AB.B6A85D80-- To change subscription see www.landrover.net/series1/mail
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SER1 Noah and The New Ark
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